im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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