btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
