The maid of honor just puked.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize