I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
