He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
