we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
