I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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