Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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