I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
