I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
