i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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