just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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