i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
