My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
