They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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