Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
