did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
