I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
