I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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