you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
