You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
