just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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