If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
