In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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