Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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