Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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