i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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