you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
