honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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