I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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