If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
