I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
