this just has baby written all over it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
