I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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