Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
