Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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