also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
