There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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