NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
