Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You made out with two different species that night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
