she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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