you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
