Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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