Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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