i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
These tits shall not be calmed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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