if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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