I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
