go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
