Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
