the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
