he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
