I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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