I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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