absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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