Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
