I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
