There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she peed on how many people?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
