My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
