Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
His hands were made for my vagina.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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