I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
