can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
