"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
