Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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