There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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