it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize