She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she peed on how many people?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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