I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
