I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
