The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize