Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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