How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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