Nicole vs. Life
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
