I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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