his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
