if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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