come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
