I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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