I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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