you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
